


Delirious

by Cinderwolfe



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst and Humor, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Normal girl from the milky way ends up in a galaxy far far away, Parallel Universes, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 09:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14932040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinderwolfe/pseuds/Cinderwolfe
Summary: “No sense in worrying about things you can’t control,” I mumbled. That was the hardest part to grasp in the midst of all of this; the lack of control.***Natalie Leeman was happily swimming in nostalgia with a Star Wars movie marathon before she awoke to a dreadful headache in a galaxy far, far away from her own. She's convinced it's all an illusion, and it has to be. That's the only logical explanation for all of this. And yet believing this to be the truth does little to stop her from forming feelings for these illusions. Such feelings cement themselves in ways that seem more real than anything else she's ever known.





	Delirious

**Author's Note:**

> So I love modern girl in thedas works (what can I say it's a guilty pleasure), and I felt the need to write something similar for the Star Wars sequels. This is rotting my teeth as I write it, but its worth it. Y'all can hate on the concept and call the OC character a Mary Sue if you want, but you gotta admit it's freaking entertaining to imagine what it would be like to be fully immersed in the story you love so much, alright? Let me have nice things.  
> I'll be doing my best to give the OC a real developing storyline that doesn't paint her as some damsel in distress, or as a badass that has no feelings and is somehow good at everything she does. She's going to be complex and contradictory at times. I'm excited to plop her into this world and I hope you all relate to her and connect with the circumstances she finds herself in. I'm super open to comments and suggestions on her development from you guys too! If you have any opinions on this I encourage you to let me know. I debated not including the Kylo Ren/You tag, but I reasoned that the OC is coming from a position that most won't have trouble imagining themselves being in so I included it for now and I may decide to remove it later on.
> 
> This is an adventure fantasy fic that deals with a number of themes, but above all else, it is a love story. My hope is that it develops into one that carries some meaning for you, however small! (:

“So close, yet so far.” I mused as I sprawled out over my couch and began scrolling vigorously through my Instagram feed. My eyes were skimming over the countless pictures of familiar faces posing in their corresponding caps and gowns. There were so many faces plastered with giant grins. I sighed, feeling a heavy weight at the pit of my stomach, and proceeded to like them all. It’s not like it’s uncommon for people to graduate with their degree a semester or two later, but it still felt a little strange not finishing with the others of my class after four years together. I bit my lip, telling myself it’s worth the extra semester to earn my honours. Still, I felt left behind a little and that sucked. I huffed in frustration and set my phone down on my stomach to free my hands so I could press the heels of my hands against my eyes melodramatically. My cat picked up on the stress levels I must have been emitting and leapt up onto the arm of the couch. He was a giant thing, my cat Harley. Looked like a mini grizzly bear had a baby with a panther. He leaned over me and graciously began licking my forehead for a moment before getting some of my baby hairs stuck in his mouth. He wheezed, not so graciously, and I cringed at the saliva he left behind. He must have given up on trying to relax me that way, because he crawled onto my stomach and settled atop my phone, giving me a passive “I tried” kind of look. It drew the corners of my mouth up slightly, and I wiped my forehead before scratching him behind his ears to thank him for his effort. “Yeah, it’s fine. Just a few more classes to go, and then I’ll be the one taking these photos and rubbing my degree in people’s faces for a month or so. I’ll probably keep at that until it becomes worthless and I need to go back for my masters. But I’ll try to prolong that time for as long as I can. Need to get my money’s worth. Right, Harley?” He leaned into the ear scratches a little more and purred.

I sighed and turned the tv on, aimlessly browsing the channels until I found gold. I sat up a little in excitement, “Harley, Star Wars is on!” There was something about watching the original trilogy on TV with the commercials and all. It was nostalgic in a way, reminded me of time I spent with my Dad and sisters years ago. We’d spend all day eating junk food and aggravating my mom with our couch-potatoeness. Every time, without fail, my dad would tell us to shut our yaps when Vader was telling Luke the truth about his parentage. I remember gasping dramatically each time, pretending to be shocked despite knowing full well who Luke’s father was all along. It made my Dad laugh and making him laugh filled me with pride. That might have been the best part of watching all three in one day. I shook my head, I’m really about to watch it on TV with commercials when I could just watch it on DVD or stream it. “Movie marathon with you it is,” I smiled at Harley, “Let me get us some grub, alright? Whiskas for you, and Ben and Jerry’s for moi.” I put my hair into a messy braid, grabbed the snacks, and plopped myself onto the couch for what would be the next several hours. I texted my little sister Danielle to let her know it was on. We share this tv channel package between us so I knew she’d have the same channels as me, and I also knew she’d appreciate Star Wars being on just as much as I did. As I watched, I noticed that a lot of the lines were cornier than I had remembered them being, yet their cheesiness worked all the same. Harley rolled onto his back and gargled out a meow that got caught in his throat. I looked down at him, then back at the tv and snorted, “You look just like Jabba the Hutt right now, my dude.” A few minutes later my phone vibrated and I picked it up to see that Danielle had replied to my text.

_“Omg yes. I’d come over to your place to watch with you, but I need to head out for dinner in a couple hours :( which channel is it on? I still want it on in the background while I run around getting ready”_

I chuckled at that, she must be going out with her co-worker Will tonight. She had been making goo-goo eyes at him for months.

_“Laaaame, but I understand. Dinner with Will tonight eh? ;) took you guys long enough to actually go out. It’s on channel 333, HD! Have fun tonight! May the force be with you, and may it grant you sexual prowess”_

_“Lol I know, it’s about time he actually asked me out for a real date. And I might be wrong, but we don’t have channel 333 Nat, just 332, 334, and 336. Is it actually on one of those? I’m looking right now and that’s all I see, HELP MEEEE I CANT FIND STAR WARS”_

I frowned at my phone before double checking the channel number on my screen. Nope, it definitely said 333, though there was no actual name for the channel beside the number like there usually was which was strange.

_“Yeah I’m sure, it’s channel 333! Just double checked. That’s weird that you don’t have it when we share the same plan :/”_

_"No biggie, I’ll just stream it while I get ready instead! You got me in the mood lol"_

I smiled and put down my phone next to me. I chalked it up to be the provider’s mistake. Maybe Danielle wasn’t getting a couple channels she should be getting. I figured we could just call in another time and inquire about fixing that. I shrugged and leaned back into my couch cushion while stuffing my mouth with a heaping spoonful of ice cream, watching as the OG trio attempted to escape the garbage disposal with the walls closing in on them.

*****

The day continued on like this. I hadn’t been that lazy in a long time. No, not lazy exactly, relaxed. I hadn’t been that relaxed in a long time. What with my job, my honours thesis, and my mentor breathing down my neck to get my research in. Anthropological research took a lot of time to do properly, especially for the project I was doing. It was nice to sit back and just let the day go by without a care. At some point during  _Return of the Jedi_ , I noticed it was just beginning to get dark outside. I laid my head down on the couch cushion groggily and fought to stay awake, watching the colours from the TV screen blur under the weight of my eyelids. I was being pulled into unconsciousness and I soon decided to just let it take me, despite the fact that it was only 9:00pm on a Saturday and my friends would likely be texting me soon to go for drinks. I slowly drifted off and began to dream.

*****

 _Stars, I had never seen so many stars before in all my life. All at once, they merged together to form one all-encompassing light. I watched, mesmerized. Suddenly, I heard a loud, booming noise accompanied by a harsh jolt that shook me to my very core. I nearly fell from the chair I was sitting on, and I gripped the armrests on both sides firmly in preparation for any further abrupt movements. Everything stopped, even the stars returned to normal. I rapidly turned my head, searching my surroundings for the source of the disturbance. Upon realising that I was in what looked to be a small vessel’s cockpit, the ship’s sensors began beeping absurdly. I responded by frantically pressing every button that was flashing to see if it would stop the blaring noise from destroying my eardrums. I felt an ache begin to grow within me, and my attention shifted to my hands. My right knuckle appeared to be bleeding and badly injured. I held it up to my face and tried to stretch out my fingers. I sucked in a quick breath as a sharp pain radiated down my hand and forearm. My mind began to race, Where the hell did I get this from? The ship’s radio picked up a little static, causing me to jump in surprise. I thought I heard a voice asking me to identify myself. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and my mouth was going dry. I spoke with a trembling voice, “_ Natalie, my name is Natalie.” _The radio produced another bout static before returning to its prior silence. The sensors went quiet, but kept flashing their bright red and orange warning lights, god only knows what they were trying to warn me of. The radio remained silent. I began to panic,_ No.. no, no, no...where did they go? I need help! _I was speaking aloud, but couldn’t hear anything. Tears streamed down my face as I shifted forward in my chair, intent on finding a way to regain communications with whoever that was on the radio. It was then that everything began to bleed into everything else. I felt myself being pulled into unconsciousness yet again. I fought hard against it, but in the end the world fell into darkness once more._

*****

I awoke with a pounding headache and decided against opening my eyes. It wasn’t worth the risk of seeing any bright lights that would just end up making the pain worse. I laid still for a moment before rubbing my eyes. It alleviated some of the built-up tension behind them, which I gathered was probably from watching so much TV during the day. I was having an internal debate with myself about whether or not I should move to my bed or keep sleeping on the couch when I heard what sounded like a chair creaking.

“She’s awake, we need a medic droid in here.”

My eyes flew open at the sound of another voice. Who the fuck was in my apartment? I turned my head and saw a young man with dark skin and a very concerned expression marking his face. I looked around the room and found that I was most definitely not in my living room anymore. I sat up too quickly and immediately regretted it as a surge of dizziness swept over me. A hand lightly touched my shoulder, “Easy there, you’ve been out for a long time. I wouldn’t try to get up that fast just yet.”

The room was spinning, but I made out that I was in what looked to be a dormitory. There were four more twin beds like the one I was laying in lined up along the wall of the room. They were all very simple and plain, showing no sign of being used. The lighting was poor and added an orange-yellow hue to the room that reminded me of a cheap motel. My mind started to supply me with a number of worst-case scenarios. _Am I being kidnapped and placed into a sex trafficking ring? Is that what’s happening? I thought I locked my door..._

“You’re safe now. I found you just lying out there in the dirt with your head bleeding. I actually thought you were dead at first. I saw your chest move a little. Took me by surprise when I realised you were still alive. I carried you over here when I realized you weren’t a soldier, wasn't that far away. The outfit you got on isn’t Resistance or First Order.” His eyes narrowed slightly, “Why were you out there anyway? It’s a battle zone, and you’re not an involved party. Or are you?” The man’s frown deepened, and he pulled his hand away from my arm. He seemed so familiar, like I knew him from somewhere....

“OH.” My eyes widened as I stared into his, “Finn, you’re Finn! Wait- why are you Finn?” He startled at the mention of his name, and sat back in his chair. I shook my head, “No, no... sorry, that’s just your character. What’s your real name?” He just looked back at me blankly, so I kept rambling, “I’m sorry, fuck. It’s offensive that I don’t know what it is, isn’t it? I’m sorry... I’m so out of it…. I must be…” I take a minute to breathe, and then the thought that he’s likely my nurse occurs to me. “...in a hospital, right? Yes, a hospital. You’re not even him, sorry. You just look a lot like him. Do you get that often? You must. Its uncanny, really. You could stand around in West Hollywood and make a pretty penny, you know.” I clasp my hands in front of me to stop them from fumbling around. “How much morphine did you guys give me? I feel like I’m all over the place right now.” I laughed nervously, and bit my tongue. Rambling the way I had been was just making him look at me as though I was crazy. Maybe I was dreaming, I groaned and dropped my head into my hands. That’s what I get for filling my brain with space shit right before I fall asleep. A breeze passed through a vent overhead, and as it landed on me I shivered slightly. I knew then that it likely not just a dream despite my wanting it to be. Dreams don’t feel like that, they don’t feel this vivid. I lifted my head slightly to meet his gaze. His resemblance to the actor might have just been a product of my drugged up mind if this was actually a hospital, “Where am I? What happened to me?”

“You’re in the Resistance headquarters’ med-bay. Sorry, I can’t really divulge much else to you right now. Giving away our specific location to an unknown party could spell a lot of trouble for our operations here. Like I said before, I just found you out there and brought you back here to get bandaged up. We sent out a few people to check for any signs of ship-wreckage near where you were found. You certainly look like you’ve been in a crash. What did you say your name was? And how the hell do you know mine?”

“My name is Natalie, Natalie Leeman.” I turned my eyes away from him in embarrassment, ignoring what he said about the Resistance cause that wasn’t processable at that point. “I guess I don’t actually know your real name, just your face. Sorry, it's so rude of me to remember Daisy and Adam’s real names, but not yours.” I fumbled with the hems of the garment I was wearing, frowning when I realised it wasn’t my old high school sweatshirt I’d had on earlier, but a dirty white t-shirt I didn’t recall ever owning. “You’re just as amazing, obviously, sorry again.” I sighed and looked back at him, “What’s your name?”

“You already said it, don’t play games with me. You know who I am. How? And who the hell are Daisy and Adam?”

“Is this a joke, am I in a Jimmy Kimmel segment or something?” I laughed. He just kept staring at me, eyebrows drawn down. Alright, I definitely wasn’t in a skit then. A beeping noise came from behind him, the source was a small droid. It rolled up to my bedside holding a small tray with a glass of water and two tablets.

“Jimmy Kimmel?” He gripped his knees and leaned forward. “You must’ve hit your head pretty hard. You recall my face and name but I don’t recognize you... are you with the Resistance or not?”

I closed my eyes and breathed in, trying to come to some kind of understanding about what was going on around me. He was really adamant about the Resistance. He identifies with the name Finn and didn’t bother trying to tell me his real life name. I opened my eyes and glanced at him once more. He had a strange gun attached to his hip, it looked like the blasters from the movies. The droid beeped from beside me and raised the tray it was holding out like it was confused with why I hadn’t taken what it was offering yet. I gazed down at its features. It looked too advanced to be a prop. Which is impossible, it wasn’t real. Couldn’t be real. Pain took over my head and black spots dusted my vision for a moment. I needed to take care of this migraine. “What are those tablets?”

The Finn look-alike huffed impatiently, “Just standard pain relievers, we’d give you something stronger but you’ve had too much go through your system already.” I nodded before grabbing the pills off the tray. I’d probably regret taking drugs from a random robot later, but the pounding in my head was too much to bare at that moment in time. I washed them down with the glass of water.

I smiled weakly, “Sorry, I’m really not in the best state of mind right now.”

It took him a second, but he managed a small smile back, “I get it, that’s one giant bump you got on your head. Makes sense that you’d need a minute to get yourself sorted. I do need to know who you are though, so when you’re ready just tell me what you can remember.”

I nodded slowly, studying the small plastic cup in my hands as I began filtering through the various options for where I was and how I got there. I’m not involved in some practical joke, that didn’t make sense. This guy seems to really believe what he’s saying, too. Everything pointed towards conclusions that I did not want to accept as possible. I chanced another glance at the droid out of the corner of my eye. _This is batshit crazy. No way am I actually in this fictitious world, wait-_ I had a sudden revelation that was a tad depressing, but more logical. _I’m probably in a coma, I ate too much sugar or something and now I’m in a coma and dreaming about Star Wars. Are sugar comas a real thing?_ I shook my head, that didn’t feel right either; I felt completely lucid. It was still a possibility though, one I couldn’t throw out just yet. _Well, I’m either in a coma or completely insane and everything around me is a product of my mind._ After accepting that it had to be one of these two possibilities, I had to then figure out a way to approach the immediate issue at hand. _Admit my insanity, lie to him… I could just claim amnesia._ The last option seemed wisest and required the least amount of thought, _I could play dumb and ride this whole mind bender thing out until my sister comes over to find me stark naked making lightsaber sounds in my kitchen. She’ll drag me to the psych ward for help, and I’ll snap out of it soon._ I nodded to myself once. _That could- fuck. I can’t do that._ I cringed internally at myself for jumping the gun with his name. _He knows I recall his face I can’t claim full on amnesia now. I’m going to be trapped in this imagining with people that distrust me and have guns._ Make believe or not, that would not have been fun. _I shouldn’t have let that information slip… now what do I do…_ The fabricated Finn sitting at my bedside began bouncing his knee and biting the side of his cheek, I could tell he was trying to be patient but it wasn’t working. Sighing, I began tracing the rim of the cup that I was holding with my thumb.

Playing dumb was still the best option at this point, “I don’t know what’s going on any more than you do, I’m afraid. I want to give you all the information I can, but I’m at a loss for what happened to me. I don’t recall anythi-,” my eyes suddenly caught sight of the purple and yellow pigmentation peeking out from underneath a bandage wrapped around my right hand. I slowly brought it up to my face and examined it closely, a memory of doing the very same movement not too long ago surfaced in my brain. I blinked several times, “There… there were so many lights flashing, so much noise blaring at me. There was this voice- it asked me to identify myself over the radio and I did. I told them my name…” I put my hand back down on my lap and looked over at Finn abruptly. “My hand, I remember seeing it bleeding. It’s purple now, so it’s already healing.” I shook my head to clear my jumbled thoughts, “How long did you say I’ve been here?”

He seemed satisfied that I was finally relaying some information, however useless, “Two and a half days. You’ve been sleeping mostly, going in and out. You were never conscious for more than a couple seconds at a time though.” He leaned forward, “Natalie, do you remember anything else?” I shook my head. “How about how you know my face and name?”

I gulped, I still hadn’t come up with a good way to work around the hole I’d dug myself into with this one. Telling him that I thought he was just a figment of my imagination might have earned me an eternity trapped in a world with subconscious projections that treated me badly. I didn’t know how long I’d be stuck inside my head with him, and I didn’t want it to be unbearable. I’d had sleep paralysis before a number of times, and I knew how cruel my subconscious could be. _I mean if I’m insane, I’m insane. If this is a coma…_ I shook my head, I’d think more on that later. I suddenly recalled Rose making a scene over recognizing Finn in _The Last Jedi_ and I was struck with the idea to do something similar. I returned Finn’s gaze and slapped on a toothy grin for show, “Well you’re famous! You defeated the First Order at the Starkiller base, Finn. Of course I’d know who you are. I must have seen your face on some…” _What the hell do they call those things again_ , “...holocron or something… I just couldn’t believe it was actually you when I woke up. I’m not Resistance, at least I don’t think I am… to be honest with you I don’t remember much of what I do or where I come from besides my name. I’m fairly certain that I have never been involved with the First Order either… I’m sorry, everything is mixed up in here.” I gestured to my head with my hand. “But I want to cooperate with you, and I promise to do no harm. I really appreciate you helping me get treatment for my injuries.” Finn raised his eyebrows, and the corner of his mouth lifted upright into what was the beginning of a smug smirk. _Ah, so even my subconscious projections succumb to flattery._

“Word does tend to get around when you blow up a planet hosting pure evil, makes sense.” His shoulders slouched a little, which made me realise that they had been stiff before. “I need to report back to the higher-ups. I’ll see if they found any shipwrecks that could be related to your situation. If we find one, it might give us more information as to your background and what happened to you. CC-96 will bring you some food,” He gestured towards the small green and silver droid by my bed. The droid beeped twice, “just let him know if you need anything alright? I’ll be back in a couple hours and we can continue talking after you settle in some more.” He reached out his hand and motioned towards the cup I was still holding. I smiled up at him and handed it over, watching with bated breath as he started towards the door, “And Natalie? I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I… I was involved with the First Order once. If you’re in a bad situation, we can figure something out, okay? These people here… they’re good.” I smiled genuinely in response. With that, Finn turned back towards the exit and left the room.

After a moment or two, I flopped down on the bed and sighed obnoxiously. I was glad that the rest of that conversation didn’t need to happen right then. I needed a second to think. I rolled onto my side and took in my surroundings a little more. I smiled at the thought that my brain was capable of such intricate fabrications. It was admirable, really. There’s beauty in madness after all, and who’s to say I couldn’t take advantage of the incredibly vivid imaginings taking place inside my head? It was a fictional world near and dear to my heart, and I assumed that there were much worse ways to go crazy than being trapped in a Star Wars fantasy. I smirked slightly as I studied my banged up hand. I might be crazy or in a coma, but I could make the most of these circumstances while it lasted. I reasoned that I would be back to normal soon anyways, and wishing I had explored inside my own mind a little more while I could’ve.

Then the thought of being either clinically insane or lying unconscious in a hospital somewhere actually hit me. The reality of that kind of existence overcame the growing excitement I was beginning to feel. I curled up into a ball, shutting my eyes as tight as I could. _Who am I going to be when I finally snap out of it? Will everything I’ve worked towards be taken from me? Are my friends and family scared for me right now? Will it ruin them too?_ Tears began to well in my eyes as shame washed over me for following my previous train of thought. I might have been dying, for all I knew. My sisters, Danielle and Liv... my parents… they could have been sobbing at my bedside in a hospital hoping I would wake up. I wiped my eyes and sniffled before mumbling, “No sense worrying about things you can’t control.” That was the hardest part to grasp in all of this; the lack of control.

**Author's Note:**

> 'Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality?' getting a little westworldy up in here with the confusion levels. 
> 
> Natalie is pretty distressed atm, flipping between ideas and emotions like nobody's business. 
> 
> Where do you guys think she got the injury on her knuckles from?? WHAT IS REAL LIFE???? 
> 
> Updating soon! Who am I kidding, probably tonight? This is too much fun. 
> 
> Also, this is not beta'd and there are bound to be mistakes so please find it in yourselves to forgive me


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